Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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