Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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