dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
