sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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