wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
