In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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