i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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