he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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