The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
