just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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