That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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