Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
