Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
