Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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