If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She even gives head with a lisp.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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