When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Oh god it's open bar.
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