i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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