I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
