I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
