i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
