I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
