Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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