help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
