she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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