I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize