i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
