Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
