Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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