you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
