margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
