I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize