i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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