So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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