I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
