I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
