When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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