between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
