Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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