We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
