Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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