Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're like the curious george of whores
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
