i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
