i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
