its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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