Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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