Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm drive I can fine osifer
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
