"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize