We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
