Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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