Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
