Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
