please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
