the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
