I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
