You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
