You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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