I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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