She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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