Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it glows. i had to have it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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