wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
