Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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