I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
