And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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