If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
