he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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