Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
