just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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