feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
