if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
