I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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