After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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