dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
barbara walters just said penis...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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