I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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