have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
