can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
high people should be assigned attendants
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
