I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
