Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
