OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize