Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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