I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
