So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
