Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Panties = found
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
