How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
