you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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