I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize