Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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