im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
