You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
vagina is talking i cant
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
