I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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