I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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