whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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