He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
