They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
