I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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